Friday, October 31, 2008

The 13 Best Horror Movies to Watch on Halloween

Halloween is the most fun holiday of the year. Candy, costumes, there's just a feeling in the air and if you can't enjoy the holiday spirit then you need to call the proctologist and ask them to remove the tree. One of the best things to do at this time of year is of course get together in small gatherings of friends. The question is, what do you watch? "Rocky Horror Picture Show" and "Halloween" have both been done to death and while movies like "Ernest Scared Stupid" and "Poultrygeist" are classics they'll also likely get you ostracized by your friends and possibly committed to a special facility.

So here is my own personal list of the 13 best horror movies to watch with your friends on Halloween.

13. The Monster Squad (1987)
Directed by: Fred Dekker
Starring:
Andre Gower, Brent Chalem, Ryan Lambert, Michael Faustino
Plot: 12-year-old Sean Crenshaw and his best friend Patrick are die hard monster fanatics. Along with their friend Horace (nicknamed Fat Kid),junior high tough guy Rudy, Sean's kid sister Phoebe, and little Eugene they come together and talk monsters. But when Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, The Gill Man, and The Mummy come to their small town to get an amulet to control the world, Sean leads his friends into action to protect their town from the forces of evil. Taken from www.imdb.com.


It doesn't matter how old you are, you are never too old for "The Monster Squad." Picture if you will "The Goonies" meet the Universal Monsters. This is a movie that would never pass as PG now, it's a kid's movie that, much like the wolfman, has nards. Not to mention it's incredibly fun. It's bloody, it's rude, and it's one of the movies you loved as a kid that's stood the test of time.

12. Tremors (1990)
Directed by: S.S. Wilson
Starring: Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Michael Gross, Reba McEntire
Plot:A small town gradually becomes aware of a strange creature which picks off people one by one. But what is this creature, and where is it? At the same time, a seismologist is working in the area, she detects _tremors_. The creature lives underground, and can 'pop up' without warning. Trapped in their town, the town-folk have no escape. Taken from www.imdb.com.


Quite possibly one of the greatest monster movies ever is S.S. Wilson's "Tremors." The tale of subterranian monsters attacking a small town of colorful rednecks is nothing if not fun and memorable. Filled to the brim with one-liners, well-done gore effects, and memorable characters it helped to fully launch the careers of Kevin Bacon, Michael Gross, and Reba McEntire beyond what they had been at that point. It manages to be slightly scary but mostly just fun and enjoyable and perfect for a diverse crowd.

11. Dog Soldiers (2002)
Directed by: Neil Marshall
Starring: Kevin McKidd, Sean Pertwee
Plot: A squad of British soldiers on training in the lonesome Scottish wilderness find a wounded Special Forces captain and the carnaged remains of his team. As they encounter zoologist Megan, it turns out that werewolves are active in the region. They have to prepare for some action as the there will be a full moon tonight...
Taken from www.imdb.com.

Before Neil Marshall was famous for "The Descent" and his glorified "Escape From New York" remake "Doomsday" he made a little film called "Dog Soldiers" about a group of British soldiers on a training exercise who run afoul of a family of werewolves. The film, heavily based on the Zulu military campaign, but played out like a meeting between "The Howling", "The Hills Have Eyes", and "Evil Dead." It's campy, it's gory, the werewolves look surprisingly good in fact there's high budget werewolf movies that haven't had werewolves this realistic looking *cough*"American Werewolf in London"*cough* It manages to inject enough humor into a very serious situation to make it one of the more fun werwolves. It doesn't concern itself with the quirks of being a werewolf, nor what it feels like to be one. It's a monster movie and once the action starts its only interrupted by brief periods to either be humorous or build tension. Not to mention Spoon (Darren Morfitt) is probably one of the most kickass characters in a horror movie ever.

10. Event Horizon (1997)
Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring: Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neill
Plot: It is the year 2047. Seven years have passed since the mysterious disappearance of Event Horizon, a spaceship that was sent to explore the outer limits of our solar system. Now, it is the time for a rescue mission that will find the ship and bring back the survivors; if any... Taken from www.imdb.com.
"Event Horizon" isn't a cheesy movie (with the exception of the character Cooper.) In fact this movie scared the ever loving bejeezus out of me, never have I actually been afraid to walk outside and get in my car to go home. It's equal parts "Alien", "Hellraiser", and "Doom" (the game not the movie) and indeed it does seem to channel a lot of the feel and atmosphere of Ridley Scott's most popular movie that isn't "Blade Runner." Laurence Fishburne manages not to be a complete doofus for once in his career and Sam Neill gives a typically wonderful performance, maybe even chaneling a bit of that good old Damien Thorne magic from his early days.

9. The Blob (1988)
Directed by: Chuck Russell
Starring: Kevin Dillon, Shawnee Smith, Jeffrey DeMunn
Plot: Remake of the 1958 horror sci-fi about a deadly blob which is the spawn of a secret government germ warfare project which consumes everyone in its path. Teenagers try in vain to warn the townsfolk, who refuse to take them seriously, while government agents try to cover up the evidence and confine the creature. Taken from www.imdb.com.


When I was little, "The Blob" (1958) was my favorite horror movie of all time. It was a wonderful movie and I was understandably worried about a remake of the movie. Fortunately what it lacks in Steve McQueen it makes up for in great special effects, gore, and genuine terror. Ignore the teenager struggling against the strawberry jello mould above, the effects in this movie are top notch. Sure you can clearly see that what you're watching is stop-go animation superimposed over the top of actual film prints but the stop-go animation is incredibly well done. This movie does for "The Blob" what John Carpenter did for "The Thing From Another World" The effects in this movie are on par with John Carpenter's the thing and between the haunting images of the blob shooting around after people and seeing people literally melted on-screen it's wonderfully rendered. It actually manages to make the blob terrifying and has just enough camp to elevate it to near masterpiece status.

8. House (1968)
Directed by: Steve Miner
Starring: William Kat, George Wendt, Kay Lenz
Plot: Roger Cobb is a author who has just separated from his wife. He moves into a new house and tries to work on a novel based on his experiences in the Vietnam War. Strange things start happening around him; little things at first, but as they become more frequent, Cobb becomes aware that the house resents his presence. Taken from www.imdb.com.


This movie deserves more credit than it gets. "House" is by no means a masterpiece, it's not "Jacob's Ladder" but it also doesn't try to be. It's a cheesy haunted house movie with a lot of bizarre creatures, doors that open into different worlds, and Norm from cheers shooting a big sickle-clawed hump-backed thing with a harpoon gun. The sequel is also noteworthy if for nothing more than a business card that a character hands out that lists his job title as "electrician/adventurer." "House" is a great deal of fun.

7. Slither (2006)
Directed by: James Gunn
Starring: Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, Gregg Henry, Michael Rooker
Plot: This blend of black humour and unnerving horror, with its nineteen fifties parodies pays homage to the great B-Movie Sci-Fi genre. Set in modern small town America, when an unsuspecting meteorite drops by and its tiny slug shaped parasitic pilot infects the local inhabitants, then all hell breaks lose, literally. Turning their infected hosts into Zombie type aliens, this is a battle of the fittest, this is the battle to save Mankind, this is pure B-Movie magic. Taken from www.imdb.com.


This was my vote for the best horror movie of 2006. It's a nice stroll down memory lane of the 80s hearkening back to everything form "The Blob", "Shivers", "The Thing", "Tremors", "From Beyond", and "The Evil Dead." The dialogue is always entertaining and the characters are all well fleshed out and likeable. It's a beautiful love note to campy 80s horror movies and is full of one-liners, memorable moments, and great special effects. Plus "Firefly's" Nathan Fillion is the main character.

6. Willard (2003)
Directed by: Glen Morgan
Starring: Crispin Glover, R. Lee Ermey
Plot: Willard is a social misfit who is made fun of by his co-workers. When he is squeezed out of the company started by his deceased father, his only friends become a couple of rats he's been raising at home. However, when one of the rats is killed at work, Willard goes on a rampage--exacting revenge by using his rats to attack those who have been tormenting him. Led by the unusually intelligent, and deadly rat, Ben, an army of rats descends upon the office, committing a series of grisley murders. Taken from www.imdb.com.


A remake of the 1970s film "Willard" that was based on the book "The Ratman's Notebook" it improves a great deal on the original film. Crispin Glover finally found a weird enough character to complement his jerky weird-as-hell acting style and indeed Willard Stiles was the character Glover was born to play. (I mean, other than Willy Wonka and The Joker, but we won't go into that now.) It's a beautifully stylized dark comedy that's both funny and creepy at the same time with great performances by Glover and R. Lee Ermey (in a complete change of pace for Ermey he plays a loud mouthed guy who yells and curses a lot) and Ben, the antagonist of the film is the creepiest rat I have ever seen. This is a great party film and just a great film in general, I can't reccomend this enough.

5. Murder Party (2007)
Directed by: Jeremy Saulnier
Starring: Chris Sharp, Macon Blair, William Lacey
Plot Summary:A random invitation to a Halloween party leads a man into the hands of a rogue collective intent on murdering him for the sake of their art, sparking a bloodbath of mishap, mayhem and hilarity. Taken from www.imdb.com.


If Kevin Smith made the movie "Napoleon Dynamite" as a horror movie you might have something like "Murder Party", quite possibly the single greatest indie-horror comedy I have ever seen in my life. The humor is all off the wall and there's a lot of slapstick as well as well done dialogue and visual cues. The dialogue of the the art students as they debate over how they should kill Chris Sharp's character in various overelaborate artistic ways is increasingly better and is ultimately topped off by Paul Goldblatt's line "When the coroner's report comes in it will read 'cause of death: art.' We'll wait until the witching hour and then we'll all stab him... we'll stab him until he dies." There's a scene where Macon Blair douses Sharp in acid only to find out that the type of acid he used is actually vinegar. The dialogue is outrageous and the movie takes its time getting where its going but by the end the film lives up to its title with plenty of blood and gore for everyone. The standout role here though is William Lacey as Bill, a truly fucked up individual who seems to steal every scene he's a part of. See this movie, I don't care how, just do it.

4. Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Directed by: Dan O'Bannon
Starring: Clu Gulager, Miguel A. Nunez, Linnea Quigley
Plot:When a bumbling pair of employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a deadly gas into the air, the vapors cause the dead to re-animate as they go on a rampage through Louisville, Kentucky seeking their favorite food, brains. Taken from www.imdb.com.


"Return of the Living Dead" is THE ultimate 80s movie. It set alot of precedents for gore, campiness, it made running zombies cool, this movie is the reason why zombies are always portrayed as hungering for brains, not to mention Linnea Quigley spending the first 3rd of the movie nude brought a lot of adolescent boys to manhood. This movie is fun no matter how many times you watch it and it almost helps you forget the string of long bloody and increasingly worse abortions that the sequels are.

3. Dead-Alive/Braindead
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring: Timothy Balme, Diana Penalver, Ian Watkin
Plot: Lionel, a Mama's boy has the unwanted honor of having to look after his overbearingly evil mother. He ends up falling in love with a local woman who believes that they're destined together. In a moment of intentional sabotage of one of their dates, his mother is bitten by a mysterious creature that ends up zombifying her. It's only a matter of time before she rises from the dead a powerful, bloodthirsty zombie. It's only a matter of time before she starts infecting residents of the town and Lionel has to stop her...and them. Taken from www.imdb.com.


Back before Peter Jackson was best known for hobbits and apes he did low budget splatter films with the slightly good "Bad Taste" and the hilarious muppets piss-take "Meet The Feebles" under his belt he culminated all his best elements into this film. "Dead-Alive" (or "Braindead" for everyone who isn't American) holds the record as the goriest movie ever made it's a zombie movie that laughs in the face "Cannibal Holocaust" and makes "Evil Dead" squeemish. The difference is that while the gore is aplenty, it's also pretty much the punch-line. The splatter is all part of the charm with this movie, it takes bad taste humor to a high only reached occasionally by Troma movies. You get desensitized to the sheer ridiculous amount of blood and guts early on and from there on it doesn't really effect you anymore and by the time Timothy Balme busts in the door to a room full of zombies with a lawnmower hoisted over his shoulder and utters the line "Party's over" as he pulls the cord you're giggling with malicious glee. It's a wonderful mix of slapstick and horror, though the real scene stealer is Ian Watkin as Uncle Les, a fat, perverted, sleazeball with a lot of VDs who tends to get hit in the balls a lot. If your guests can shed whatever delicate sensibilites they have for 2 hours then there's not reason they can't enjoy this film.

2. The Thing (1982)
Directed by: John Carpenter
Starring: Kurt Russell, Keith Davids, Willford Brimley
Plot: An American scientific expedition to the frozen wastes of the Antarctic is interrupted by a group of seemingly mad Norwegians pursuing and shooting a dog. The helicopter pursuing the dog crashes leaving no explanation for the chase. During the night, the dog mutates and attacks other dogs in the cage and members of the team that investigate. The team soon realises that an alien life-form with the ability to take over other bodies is on the loose and they don't know who may already have been taken over. Taken from www.imdb.com.


While "The Thing" is a remake of "The Thing From Another World" it's actually a much more faithful adaptation of the story "Who Goes There" that both films were based on where the thing is more of a shape-shifting germ than a monster. The special effects for this movie are still amazing to this day with not a single bit of computer or stop-go animation present it is seamless and perfectly done. The characters are every single one of them memorable and the tension in every scene is so thick you can cut it with a knife. This was easily John Carpenter's best movie and a true classic that's fun as well as scary.

1. Army of Darkness (1992)
Directed by: Sam Raimi
Starring: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz, Bridget Fonda
Plot: In this sequel to the Evil Dead films, a discount-store employee ("Name's Ash. Housewares.") is time-warped to a medieval castle beset by monstrous forces. Initially mistaken for an enemy, he is soon revealed as the prophecised savior who can quest for the Necronomicon, a book which can dispel the evil. Unfortunately, he screws up the magic words while collecting the tome, and releases an army of skeletons, led by his own Deadite counterpart. What follows is a thrilling, yet tongue-in-cheek battle between Ash's 20th Century tactics and the minions of darkness. Taken from www.imdb.com.

To say that "Army of Darkness" is the best film to watch on Halloween is an insult. "Army of Darkness" is the best film to watch any time. A movie so outrageous, so memorable and fun that the only person who can't enjoy it must be some soulless bastard too stuck up their own ass to know nirvana when they've found it. (The feeling, not the band.) Sure there have been better made films, but none has ever been so endlessly enjoyable, quotable, rewatchable. I've seen this movie at least 70 times, and I'm sure I'll see it 70 more without ever getting tired of it. It is the ultimate party film, the ultimate halloween film, and the ultimate film ever. Don't agree with me? Suck a dick, motherfucker. I slash prices....

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