Daybreakers (2009)


Directed by: Michael Spierig and Peter Spierig

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Sam Neill, Willem Dafoe

Plot: In the year 2019, a plague has transformed most every human into vampires. Faced with a dwindling blood supply, the fractured dominant race plots their survival; meanwhile, a researcher works with a covert band of vamps on a way to save humankind. Taken from www.imdb.com.


Let me start this review by addressing all of the people who didn't like The Spierig Brothers' previous movie "Undead." *ahem* Fuck you for hating on an original, well-put-together, technically and comedically brilliant film because it did something a little different. I do not understand you zombie fans that have to have that shit started by a virus and only a virus every single fucking time. Just because somebody tries to use aliens or some supernatural explanation it is not sacrilege. Just because George A. Romero invented the fucking things doesn't mean everyone has to copy his exactly. "Undead" was genius and you're morons for not recognizing this.

That said, I was naturally excited for the brothers' sophomore effort into horror movies. The fact that Sam Neill was involved only served to excite me even more. I will watch anything -except "Jurassic Park 3"- over and over again.

Our main character is Edward (Ethan Hawke), a reluctant vampire who works at a blood bank. I doubt this was intentional but given that he only drinks pigs blood and is kind of a pussy, it makes for a nice touch.

Edward is looking for a blood substitute so that vampires will not have to rely on the ever-dwindling human stock for sustenance. His employer Charles Bromley (Sam Neill) is especially concerned about this due to his love of being a vampire. It seems that when a vampire goes without blood, they turn into a Count Orlock-looking bat creature called a Subsider.

With blood supplies dwindling to practically nothing and Subsider epidemics popping up all over the city it's looking like the end of vampire society as we know it. That's why it's fortuitous when Edward runs into a group of humans trying to escape the vampires.

It seems that the humans are in the midst of a man named Elvis (Willem Dafoe) who has managed to accidentally cure himself of vampirism. Edward and Elvis work to replicate this effect for the benefit of the world as a whole.

Ethan Hawke gives a more than passable performance as Edward Dalton. I don't know if it's Hawke's fault but Edward is a rather boring character who doesn't really have much growth throughout the film. He becomes less of a pussy toward the end but that's about as far as it goes.

Claudia Karvan plays Audrey Bennett, the head of the human resistance. She feels like a tacked-on character added simply to have some sort of lead female in the movie. She brings nothing special to the table and as such I'm not going to talk about her any longer.

Willem Defoe rules every scene he's in. He doesn't go over the top with Elvis, but it could hardly be said that he's playing the character straight either. Elvis speaks in a deep southern accent that seems to fade in and out at will. Given that the film takes place nowhere near where there should be southern people I believe this was an intentional way to bring across what an eccentric person the character is.

Sam Neill is also great as our villain and it is honestly a shame that Bromley and Elvis never share a scene together. Perhaps this would have caused the movie to explode from trying to contain too much greatness in one place. Unfortunately the role is a bit too small for the actor, Bromley is a bit of a generic evil bastard and is given little characterization beyond this to exploit.

"Okay, who just said 'Jurassic Park 3 sucked?'"

The story is a pretty straightforward affair, nothing that's not been touched on in a myriad of other films numerous times. What makes "Daybreakers" unique is the way it immerses you in its world. We're treated with small tidbits throughout the film that lend themselves to bringing this world to life.

There are toothpaste ads featuring people with pearly white fangs. A brief mention is given to forest fires being started by vampire animals going into sunlight and at one point we see the aftermath of one such happening though it's just something we see in passing during a chase scene. Mirrors are all video screens because vampires don't have reflections.

The Spierigs do their job in making this world feel real and not like something just dreamed up for a movie. It's impossible not to compare this movie to the "Blade" movies, which failed to immerse you in a similar world in any way.

In many ways "Daybreakers" is what movies like the "Blade" and "Underworld" series' should have been. Also, in comparrison to both of those movies, this one doesn't skimp on the gore. This movie doesn't just show blood. There are several disgusting gore effects and one scene toward the end is basically an bloody orgy of death and dismemberment.

There's some dodgy CGI at a few points but I blame this on the movie's modest budget and not the film-makers.

"Shoot it! It's sparkling for some reason!"

It doesn't re-invent the genre but it certainly breathes some life into it. Not the best vampire movie out there but it's one of the few that manages to be good enough to watch twice and though it could have done more it's a great second effort from a couple of promising film-makers who I hope to hear from again very soon.

I give "Daybreakers" a 5 out of 5. If you like horror at all, make it a point to see this one.

Avatar (2009)


Directed by: James Cameron

Starring: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Steven Lang

Other Actors of Note: Joel Moore, Giovanni Ribisi, Dileep Rao, CCH Pounder, Wes Studi

Plot: A paraplegic marine dispatched to the moon Pandora on a unique mission becomes torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home. Taken from www.imdb.com.


So let me tell you about "Titanic." "Titanic" was the first example I've ever seen of Oscar baiting. Up until then I'd seen only wonderful things (And "Piranha 2") come from the mind of James Cameron. Imagine my surprise when I found out that that piece of shit "Romeo and Juliet + Boat + Explosions = A License to Print Money" movie was made by the same guy responsible for "Terminator", "Aliens", "The Abyss", and "True Lies."

For the record, "Titanic" was the "Twilight" of the late 90s. The only person who seemed to remember what acting was in that movie was Kathy Bates, but when you have a legion of teenage girls (who buy tickets to see it, on average, 3 times each) and housewives who are responsible for the existence of things like "Zane" and "The Lifetime Network" backing you and dragging any begrudging boyfriends/husbands/family members/friends along with them.

Of course, Arnold Schwarzenegger ruined Cameron's big return to movies that weren't ass when he was elected Governor of California and all hopes of "True Lies 2" went out the window. Tom Arnold still sobs into his pillow every night, though I'm told he's been doing that for years.

So naturally, after nothing coming out of the Cameron camp save a couple of documentaries about faggy ocean shit I was stoked to hear he was finally bringing his next movie to the big screen! I was almost as excited for this movie as I was for "Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace: Smokey Mesquite BBQ" but I knew, KNEW, that James Cameron would never hurt me like George Lucas did. Right?

"Together, we shall feast upon their tears."

Sam Worthington, I said such wonderful things about you in my "Terminator Salvation" review. Did you just learn to act between this movie and that one? Worthington gives a performance that is alternatively bland and dry, occasionally he mixes it up and gives a dry bland performance. Also, he seems to be unable to hide his accent. Come on man, Liam Neeson is better at pretending to be American than you!

Sigourney Weaver is hot now? How the fuck did that happen? The last time I saw her she looked like something they scraped off Iggy Pop's sphincter (and "Galaxy Quest" doesn't count) so when did she become surprisingly bang-able? In addition to confusing the mighty tiger that resides beneath my fly, she gives a performance that really makes you realize how much it sucks that she hasn't been in any movies lately. I hope the disturbing success of this things results in more Sigourney on-screen and that her looks continue to go all Benjamin Button.

Stephen Lang plays the most stereotypical commanding officer I've ever seen. He has it all: the constantly angry face, the scars, the graying hair. This man has a giant "Bad Guy" sign on him from the first moment we see him, he's practically a caricature and plays it as such.

Giovanni Ribisi is a good actor even though his part isn't really important. Shine on you crazy diamond.

"No you cannot 'HAZ CHEEZBURGER.'"

To call "Avatar's" story formulaic or cliched is to insult other stories of that ilk for generations to come. I sincerely hope that Cameron hammer this script out in a week because any more just seems like a waste of time. This story is so predictable that it plays out like a video game.

The main character shows up, after some introduction he's given his "powers" so to speak. This is followed by an opening boss battle that ends with the main character losing but finding the important part of the game where-upon he meets the love interest and spends a great deal of time playing mini-games until the next boss battle.

Then shit gets complicated, the main character goes and gets an epic mount, aerial combat ensues, explosions ensue, explosions ensue, explosions continue to ensue, final boss, ending cut scene. If the game for this movie sucks it has no excuse because Cameron's got the whole fucking thing mapped out for the developers.

Now a few things should be noted. For one, the Navi may be humanoid but they're easily twice the size of an average human which is something that isn't often done in these sort of films. Another is that the atmosphere on Pandora is light on oxygen and humans have to wear breathing apparatuses to survive. These are fairly original things that most writers overlook.

However, the Navi are pretty stereotypical. They're cat lizards of some sort yet they have breasts (with no nipples) and do everything with some sort of organic USB thing. My first thought on seeing a female Navi: "Captain Kirk would totally fuck that."

"Our five year mission, to boldly spread my syphilis where it has never gone before"

Now of course, the planet of Pandora looks amazing and the CG is fucking breathtaking. Given how much time we spend with Jake in "Thundercat" form this film is practically an animated movie but you never notice that because everything is kept so fluid and realistic looking.

I will say that the much touted 3-D is immersive, but the problem with that is by the second half of this movie I was so "immersed" that I didn't even notice it anymore.

It is not presumptious to say that this film has changed the way that films will be done forever. Cameron has stumbled on to something incredible here that film-makers for generations will benefit from and for that alone this man deserves an Oscar. But just like any other movies that did something ground-breaking technically, it's just not that great.

The story, all the actors in major roles, and the plot progression are all mediocre at best and terrible at worst. Coupled with the film's unnecessary long running time, Avatar just doesn't have a leg to stand on as something other than a technical demonstration. Compared with the other "Who's the REAL monster" alien movie of the last 365 days, "District 9" represents DO and "Avatar" represents DONT. (I wont even go into the fact that "District 9" had awesome CG and equally realistic aliens for a tiny fraction of "Avatar's" budget.)


"Avatar" is a really pretty, really mediocre movie that is too long and I have no urge to watch it again any time soon. It wasn't a bad movie but it's far from good and even farther than what I expect from James Camerion even in a post-"Titanic" world.

But I give Cameron some slack, it has been ten years since he's made a real movie and the last one he made before that was a shitty blockbuster chick flick where a whole bunch of good actors did the exact opposite of what I've just named them able to do.

So you get a freebie, James. "Avatar" was nice and pretty, just don't do it again.

I give "Avatar" a 3 out of 5.