Friday, July 11, 2008

Lik Wong/ Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky

ALik Wong/Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)


Directed by: Ngai Kai Lam


Starring: Siu-Wong Fan


Plot:
Hard man Ricky is incarcerated in a futuristic prison where ultra-violence is his only means of survival in the corrupt, sadistic system. He must battle his way quite literally 'through' the feared 'gang of four', and undergo multiple tortures before facing the governor in one of the goriest climaxes ever seen. Taken from www.wikipedia.com.

His unibrow burns with generic righteous fury...

There are only 3 reasons why I review movies on this blog. 1) The movie is popular right now and I want you to get a fair balanced opinion on why it's good or bad. 2) The movie is a little known/lost classic that I feel you need to see. 3) I was to take a movie that has achieved some sort of cult or high status and utterly destroy it while its fans watch with tears streaming down their faces.

My watching of "Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki" is based mainly on my foray into the IMDb.com message boards where reading about Peter Jackson's "Braindead"/"Dead-Alive" I was told that this topped that movie in gore effects and b movie awesomness. Knowing the internet is full of idiots (and bless your little hearts) I decided I would at least give this film a chance and dig up a copy.

"Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky" is the story of a young man named Ricki. Basically his girlfriend killed herself when she was almost raped in one of the most random tragic past stories in a movie ever. So after allowing himself to be shot in the chest 5 times (seriously, he just walks right into it) and leaving in the bullets as "souvenirs" (Lead poisoning, SO HARDCORE!) he is put in a prison.

But no, this isn't just any prison this is a "futuristic" prison where it's run like a business (like parking lots according to the opening credits, because parking lots are so totally businesslike) the reason Riki is in a "future" prison and not a good old regular prison is because the writers needed a reason for there to be horrible security, no locks on the doors, and prisoners to be allowed to carry around things like planers, wooden trains, and metal spikes with steel cords attached to them.

So basically Riki kills the big man on campus (as any hero in a prison movie would) and becomes a target for the Wardens, the assistant warden, the four leaders of the prison, a bald guy with a mustache, a fat guy, and some other people that aren't really important.

What they fail to realize is that Riki can punch holes through walls, break chains, survive for a week underground without oxygen, gargle with razor blades and then spit them in someone's face causing them to lodge (I'm really not making any of this up), AND motherfucker plays a mean leaf.

"Dude, did you really just cut open your own stomach and try to strangle me with your intestines?" Yes. Yes he did.

It's hard for me to gauge acting in a film that is in another language, so this is a bit skewed. But let's just say I wasn't moved by any acting in this movie, nor was I pleased, nor did I feel it was adequate. Of course "Riki-Oh" wants nothing to do with your foolish "acting" it has more important things to do like punch holes in things and kick dogs in half. Though lines like "I have just touched your death spot, you will die soon." can only be delivered with so much bravado to not make them horrifically bad.

The closest thing to a stand-out performance is that of the assistant warden who has a hook for a hand and a glass which he at one point (and I am not making this up) shakes some mints out of.

The four big bad guys in this movie that aren't wardens are composed of Generic Tattooed Guy, General Zod, Guy Who is Most Undoubtedly a Woman, and Asian Gilbert Gottfried With Blonde Highlights. (Also don't feel too bad guys, he is a woman, you're totally not gay for being attracted to him... okay you're a little gay, but you'll get over it.)

Male characters that make men wrongfully feel all tingly down there, a staple of Asian pop culture.


Yukari Oshima: Star of many movies that you'll likely find in the $1 bin at Wal-Mart.

Now for the important part. "Riki-Oh" is much bragged about in circles of large sweaty man geeks for one main reason, the gore effects. So they must be awesome to the max, I mean with things like punching holes through people, brains being karate chopped from heads, and people falling onto inconveniently placed boards full of nails in the shower area they've gotta be awesome. Right?

Right?

Wrong. You can see gore effects every bit as good as the ones in this movie by watching MTV's hit claymation series Celebrity Deathmatch. The 70s didn't have special effects this bad, the 80s didn't have special effects this bad, so in 1991 they really had no excuse to suck this hard. Nothing looks even remotely like it's read and it appears to be trying reeeeally hard.

Also to answer your questions, no it's not gorier than Peter Jackson's "Dead-Alive", it's not gorier than Lamberto Bava's "Demons", it's not gorier than Sam Raimi's "Evil Dead", it's not gorier than Takashi Miike's Ichi the Killer, it's barely even gorier than Dario Argentino's Suspiria.

"I love me a bit of the old ultraviolenc... wait... oh come on is that even supposed to look mildly not like a dummy head?"

"Riki-Oh" has a story but I'll be damned if I can find it. It's told through some dumb flashbacks of a miraculously superstrong kid named Riki who is a complete dork, his girlfriend (who we never actually see him meet) dies and he avenges her death. How this ties in with him fighting for truth, justice, and the right to punch people in half I don't know. The story is hokey, even for a film based on a manga (which by the way, it is) which more than explains the warden's pistol that inexplicably causes those shot by it to swell up like a balloon and explode or him turning into some sort of balding foam rubber Japanese version of "The Incredible Hulk."

I have to believe that the people of Japan hold this as their equivalent of "On Deadly Ground" with Steven Seagal. There is no way that anyone whose testicles have descended and has an IQ equivalent to or higher than Lenny from "Of Mice and Men" can actually find enjoyment in a movie this bad.

Apparently Siu-Wong Fan was stained orange for 3 days after filming this scene. S'what you get for out-Seagaling Seagal.

I do realize that there is a certain quality in a movie being so bad that it's good. I'm an avid fan of Troma movies and find films like "Troll 2" and "Bug Buster" to be so deplorable that they're awesome. "Riki-Oh" is not one of these movies.

"Riki-Oh" is some sort of adolescant boy trapped in the body of a grown man's idea of a "cool story", there is nothing about this movie that can be called good, not even in a bad way. If I were to summarize "Riki-Oh" in one sentence I would say it's like "Cool Hand Luke" for 13-year-olds with the attention span of a yip-dog.

I give "Riki-Oh" a 1 out of 5. It's not "Versus", it's not "Machine Girl", it's not "Ichi the Killer", just leave it alone.

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