Oh Hellboy, do you even have a weapon that isn't comically oversized? You card!
"Hellboy II" picks up pretty much where the first movie left off. Liz and Hellboy are now living together but not happily, he's still a slob with way too many cats and on top of this Liz is peeping at pregnancy tests. (Being half-demon and half-Selma Blair that's going to be one ugly kid)
Well apparently thousands of years ago there was a war and the elves created a powerful army that pretty much won the war for them. And then King Balor, rightfully thinking that an unstoppable army which can pretty much destroy the world is probably something that could end up going south on him, he splits the crown that controls them into pieces, one for the elves, one for the humans, 9 for the Dwarven kings, and one to rule them all or some such shit...
So when the B.P.R.D. get called to an auction house where all of the patrons have been reduced to human mush, they get tied up in an Elven prince's quest to awaken the golden army and destroy the world.
What is Alpha 5 doing in this movie? And why does he have a German accent?
As usual Ron Perlman owns the movie. That is, during the portions of the movie which he actually manages to be in.
Doug Jones finally gets to voice the part of Abe this time as well as plays The Angel of Death. Both roles are played amazingly, due in no small part to the special effects. It doesn't take long to adjust to Jones' voice as Abe from David Hyde Pierce's from the first.
Selma Blair and Jeffrey Tambor are reduced to almost bit parts but both play them passibly. The key to remember is that Selma Blair is moody and Jeffrey Tambor is stressed.
The best non-Perlman/Jones part is surprisingly enough Seth MacFarlane, though he's not the actual guy in the suit, even though you can hear definite hints of Stewie in his voice he suits the part of Johann Krauss very well. If a third movie is made, MacFarlane is my hope to reprise the role.
"This is for what you did to me in 'Blade 2!'"
The special effects are, as is always the case with Guillermo Del Toro's movies, beautifully done. Most of the creatures are done with conventional effects with minimal CGI. Only a CG horde of small "tooth fairy" creatures, a giant green Forest Elemental, and the Golden Army itself comprise the bulk of the CG in the film.
While Hellboy and Abe are about the same as before and Johan Krauss looks like a steam punk version of Alpha 5 from "Power Rangers", the Angel of Death and Wink the Troll are two of most well done movie monsters I have ever seen. A legless goblin is also rather interestingly done.
"We don't belong in this movie"
The story is well done, the problem is, it seems out of place. The story, developed by director Guillermo Del Toro and series creator Mike Mignola, seems to be a sort of fairly tale/epic movie somewhere between Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere" and J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings."
While the Hellboy series is no stranger to fantasy and folklore it's always resided more in the realm of darker fantasy such as Robert E. Howard's "Conan the Cimmerian" and H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos.
Hellboy and crew which are more on the supernatural end of things seem to be guest stars in a seperate series here. In fact Hellboy himself has relatively little screen time in his own movie. The movie tends to focus more on Abe and the twin elf siblings with Hellboy popping in every now and then to say one liners and blow shit up.
Toward the end, the story gets convoluted and you wonder why Hellboy and crew are even there at all. This is "Hellboy II's" biggest problem. It's not a bad story, just out of place.
EPIC!
All in all "Hellboy II" is a well made movie, but it leaves something to be desired.
I give "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" a 4 out of 5.
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